Since today is Mother’s Day, I thought I would start to share some core memories I have with my mom. Today I want to talk about a little tradition we kept up during my elementary school days – our lunch dates.
A little thought about grieving…
As some friends and followers may already know, I lost my mom in 2018. Only 13 months after losing my dad. Losing both my parents in a short amount of time is a complex experience. Every time I get hit with a wave of grief, I try to deal with it head-on and feel through those emotions. I’m hoping I can use the blog as an outlet to talk about grief, share stories, and maybe find an audience who can relate.
Sometimes it’s hard to talk about my feelings on days like today because I don’t necessarily want to draw attention to myself. I don’t want people to look at me with sad faces or overwhelm me with sympathy. Too many people asking me if I’m okay can make me hesitant to post anything like this. Especially on holidays. The fact is, this did happen to me. The emotions are not always sad, they are bittersweet. They are moments I can look back on, reflect and feel proud of, grateful for, or even pissed off at and that is okay.
I try to think of my parents as still part of my life in some way. I’ve had so many people who’ve never even met my parents, say that they feel like they’ve met them through me, just by listening to the stories I tell about them. Talking about them and sharing memories with them helps keep their spirits alive and helps me in my grieving process. Although some holidays make me think about them more, the fact is, there isn’t a single day that passes by that I don’t think about or talk about my parents.
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
Jamie anderson
A cherished memory with Mom
On my mom’s days off, I’d come home from school to have lunch with her. Every week she would tell me her schedule and let me know which days worked for her. I remember her following up with the question, “Would you like to come home and have lunch with your mom?”. As if she even had to ask. My answer was always “Yes, of course!” My agreement was always followed by the BIGGEST smile on her face.
My mom did shift work while I lived at home. For a while, she worked as a maid at The Holiday Inn. When she worked there, her shift would end at 4:30 which often meant she’d be home after 5, she’d make a quick dinner while I did my homework at the kitchen table. Our nights together were somewhat more preoccupied. We still spent time with each other in the evenings but there was more room for us to do our own thing. Sometimes I’d have a lot of homework. I’ll be playing with friends. Sometimes she’d be socializing with the neighbors, or on the phone. Having our set lunch dates was our time to be together, just the two of us.
I remember walking up the sidewalk, the front door open. I can hear the radio playing, the clanging of dishes, and smell whatever soup she had on the stove. It was usually Campbell’s or Habitat split peas and ham. There was often a sandwich to go along with it. A bacon melt, tuna or Noah Martin’s summer sausage sandwich, or her panini pressed ham and Swiss pitas. I remember opening the screen door and her saying, “Hi honey!” followed by a big hug. After we ate, we’d sit on the couch and watch Arthur until 12:30 when I had to begin my walk back to school. Even as I got older, we still watched Arthur. I could hear my mom say now, “But it’s just SO CUTE!”
Looking back, it’s crazy how I walked back and forth from school for lunch, especially when I lived further away. I even walked through snow storms and large snowbanks to get home for lunch. I remember strategizing to keep my snow pants on after the first recess so I wouldn’t have to waste time when the lunch bell rang to get all my winter gear on for the walk! Typing this now, I don’t even think she knew I did that.
I never realized how important these lunch dates were until I got older, went to high school, moved out of the house, and of course until she passed away… This time spent with her wasn’t a necessary thing she had to do every week but she made a point to do it so we could maximize the time we spent together. I am eternally grateful she made a point to do this with me. Thank you, mom!
I could only hope to have a schedule that would allow me to do this with my future children. And I hope reading this story slows things down a little. It makes you realize how precious these one-on-one moments are. And how precious time is.
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Take care. Much love. And Happy Mother’s Day! – Katherine
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